I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

It's usually just around now when I start craving a summer escape of some sort, but it’s always so complicated to plan! With medical appointments, conflicting work schedules, limited availability, lack of funds, and the sun and stars not lining up perfectly I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Why didn’t I book sooner? Because… life? Not knowing work/travel schedules ahead of time? Waiting for appointments to be confirmed? Weather? Pick one! And so, with that, wanderlust became July’s theme! In the words of Helen Keller, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all…”, and it’s looking like the latter at the moment, but we will figure something out, I hope, because Mama needs a vacation!   July 2019 July 2019 - Quote (light) July 2019 - Quote (dark)

Another day, another sin Another day I'm late again Oh, just like that my money's spent Where did it all go? Another night, another heart Another one leaves in the dark And I'm searching for my counterpart Where did they all go? And I lock every single door And I look behind me even more Now turned into someone that I swore I would never be I wish I could go back to playing barbies in my room They never say that you gotta grow up, quite this soon How fast things change, and now I'm here and all I wanna do Is go back to playing barbies in my room I see it on my father's face Another line that comes with age I know that time will have its way Where did it all go? They say that things were simple then Although I don't remember when I wanna know what happens next Where do we all go? And I lock every single door And I look behind me even more And now turned into someone that I swore I would never be Oh, I wish I could go back to playin...

I have this file in my phone where I draft blog ideas; from broad topics to unfinished blurbs and everything in between. I was scrolling through the other day trying to get some fresh ideas when I stumbled across “Music & Lyrics”. It must have been a year ago or more now that I had typed those words in, not sure of which direction to take them in. But I think I have finally figured it out. You see, music doesn’t need an explanation and lyrics don’t need to make sense to everyone who reads/hears them. Music is an international language. It can match your mental state, or it can alter it. It can be a distraction, or it can help you to concentrate. It can stimulate your energy or lull you to sleep. I remember turning to music at a very young age; as early as 5 years old in my memory but probably even before that. I used it to help me feel the emotions I could not put into words. It helped me express myself through my voice and movement, both in dance class and in my basement all...

Anxiety is a chameleon; it manifests itself in different ways. It comes and goes as it pleases and often strikes without warning or reason. It is unpredictable, and just when you think you have it all figured out, you don’t. Going on the assumption that I have a form of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) coupled with generalized anxiety, I (along with my therapist and GP) decided to reduce my anxiety meds as we come into summer, but only slightly. I dropped the dose by ¼ with the intention of dropping to ½ by the end of next month. But, I am struggling. DH has been traveling again, work is work, things are piling up at home, and so on… but I am also facing some health/medical decisions right now that I have been relatively quiet about, and they are tough decisions to make; for myself, and for my family. Yesterday DH and I went to an information session at the hospital actually. About half way through I felt like I was burning up, I started fanning myself with the handouts and noticed I ...

I admit that there are days I would like to change my name, to run away from it all, to book a hotel room all to myself and binge watch Netflix all day, to get on a plane and land on a beach anywhere in the world and take a nap... But, wherever I am and whatever I do... I never feel as complete as I do when I am with her. She is my heartbeat, she is my home, she is my everything. She will forever be my always, my raison d'etre, my little girl. Being a mother is by far the most challenging but most rewarding job I have ever had. Being a mom has made me a better person. I have learned patience. I understand unconditional love. I am more compassionate and forgiving. I appreciate the little things far more than ever before. I am aware. I am beyond thankful everything this tiny human has brought to my life. So, while it is technically Mother's Day... I prefer to celebrate everything that is my Daughter instead. After all, she made me who I am today... MOM (no, Mommy, I hate i...