I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

Its Halloween tomorrow, and the scariest part about it for me is that once it’s over it ushers in November, and the beginning of holiday madness - compounded by birthdays in this family too, argh! With the exception of my LO’s birthday (which is posing its own headache right now), I hate the period between now and early January! I work, full-time, in a job that is slowly sucking the joy out of me. DH travels, a fair bit, bringing about additional work-widow complications and stress. The LO’s medical concerns are at the forefront of my thoughts on a daily basis, especially during flu season. And, with birthday celebrations for both my daughter and niece, Christmas, and New Year’s back-to-back… let’s be honest, I’m left hanging by a thread most days! Let’s not even discuss the fact that (insert Game of Thrones music here) winter is coming! So the last thing I need is extra drama added to my already overwhelming to-do list while I keep up with the looming holiday shit show… but, the...

Angry? Disappointed? Discouraged? Frustrated? Patient zero, I have been trying to figure out exactly how I have been feeling about you all day now... because you are the only culprit I have before me at this time. We had our follow-up with audiology this morning. Based on the progress our LO has been making these past weeks, I was optimistic. But, I left the hospital with so many unanswered questions feeling defeated, tears stinging my eyes all the way to work where I finally found a moment to just cry and let it all out. It appears that the new tube that was placed in her right ear is not working out as anticipated. The test they ran in July, before surgery, showed a hearing loss of 20%. Today, their results were the same. The results are not due to permanent damage, but rather fluid build up and still reversible. But, in addition, the tube itself may have been displaced again. And, this is where patient zero comes in to play. When it comes to sharing germs, some situations are unavoi...

My first 3 sessions are over and I only have a couple more remaining from my current “package”. I feel as though my head is in a better place now, and my direction(s) are more clearly defined, but with limited sessions (provided by my employer) it is hard to get to the bottom of everything. As for the therapist herself, we actually knew each other from high school. We never really interacted, but we knew of one another. Initially I was apprehensive about this when booking with her, but my employer changed providers recently and their options were extremely limited. I reached out to let her know of the potential conflict, and we both agreed that it would not get in the way. She assured me that the decision was ultimately mine, and I am glad that I stuck with her! While we hung around very different crowds, way back when, she seems to have a lot of personal experiences aligned with my own that has helped provide a lot of insight for me. The top 3 challenges I have narrowed things down ...

You know that moment when you're holding your newborn baby and they open their eyes for the first time and you swear you can see them smile? That moment happened for me again, 2 weeks ago, only I know for sure she was smiling and I even managed to capture the moment with a quick snapshot. I previously mentioned that the Opthalmologist wanted to see us right after surgery. She gave us the standard debrief and followed up with some tips and tricks to help us through recovery. One of which was to be aware that our LO may be afraid to open her eyes, due to pain and/or light sensitivity, and that some children keep them closed for days. Had she not told us this I would have been worried, because that's exactly what she did for about 24 hours straight, and continued to do intermittently afterwards. The ride home from the hospital was quiet; unusual for our little girl. She had a cup of ice chips by her side and a tight grip on her little plastic spoon. Eyes shut tight, she would reac...