I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

I thought we had a dozen or so more years before we had to deal with our LO’s first heartbreak over a boy, but it has already begun! And, to be honest, I’m a little heartbroken for her too! The girls have always been outnumbered by the boys at daycare, but rather than stick with them she has always chosen to be one of the boys. And, in the last few months, she has been partial to one in particular… “My N”. She looks for him in the morning, makes sure to say good-bye to him 100 times before we leave and has even run out into the field area to pick dandelions and rocks for him before getting into the car to go home (because, clearly, that is love). And he is a sweetheart as well, running right up to her in the morning, sharing his cars with her and often shouting good-bye repeatedly from the playground as we walk away. They share a birthday month and really are the best of friends, with another little boy as their sidekick (otherwise known as the third wheel). A couple of weeks ago whe...

I admit that there are days I would like to change my name, to run away from it all, to book a hotel room all to myself and binge watch Netflix all day, to get on a plane and land on a beach anywhere in the world and take a nap... But, wherever I am and whatever I do... I never feel as complete as I do when I am with her. She is my heartbeat, she is my home, she is my everything. She will forever be my always, my raison d'etre, my little girl. Being a mother is by far the most challenging but most rewarding job I have ever had. Being a mom has made me a better person. I have learned patience. I understand unconditional love. I am more compassionate and forgiving. I appreciate the little things far more than ever before. I am aware. I am beyond thankful everything this tiny human has brought to my life. So, while it is technically Mother's Day... I prefer to celebrate everything that is my Daughter instead. After all, she made me who I am today... MOM (no, Mommy, I hate i...

Lately, I often find myself referring to my life as “before baby”, “on mat leave” and “after mat leave”, almost like quantified eras of time. Because, to me, they are just that; long and distinct periods of MY history with a particular feature or characteristic. I suppose “before baby” could be further broken down into countless subdivisions, but those are other stories for another time! I bring this up because I feel as though a new era is on the horizon; an era of change. Because, I understand now that the greatest gift I can give myself (and my daughter) is to let go of other people’s expectations of me and set my own goals, limits and expectations for myself – in other words, no one else gets to tell me who I can, and cannot, be. "As you are shifting, you will begin to realize that you are not the same person you used to be. The things you used to tolerate have become intolerable. When you once remained quiet, you are now speaking your truth. Where you once battled and ar...

On January 25th, I went to pick up the LO at daycare and was met with 2 very concerned educators at the door. My daughter had just run into a wall, nose first, leaving a red and blue mark across the bridge of her nose and under her left eye and had a little bit of a nose bleed. She was upset, crying hysterically, but otherwise she was fine. About a week later, I noticed that her left eye was turning inwards. She was very tired at the time, but this was new... and worrisome. Was it the accident that caused this? See, when I was her age, I was convinced that I could fly. I leaped off the top of the stairs and quickly discovered that, in fact, I could NOT fly. I landed face first on the paved driveway, and subsequently wound up with horribly crossed eyes a few days later. We don't really know if the impact caused the crossing or if it was coincidental timing but now, 36 years later, it has become evident that my daughter is possibly facing a similar fate. Because it continued to...

On the last day of my latest work-widow adventure, my LO’s playdate was cancelled so I had some time to (desperately try and) kill. I’ve had a gift card for one of my favorite clothing stores burning a hole in my wallet since Christmas, so I decided to take a look and see what I could find. I usually go to their liquidation outlet, but this time I hit their regular shop since it was closer to the rest of our errands and I am so glad that I did! After a quick look through the racks I remembered that I have ben hemorrhaging money lately, with car repairs and a vacation in our midst, so I tried to think of what I actually needed. Underwear, I need new underwear; both practical and necessary! A salesgirl saw me heading over to the lingerie section and offered up some help as she could see the LO was being a bit of a handful. She explained that the style I had come to love had gone through some design changes and cautioned me that the feedback had not been 100% positive. Good to know. At ...