I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

On this day, 6 years ago, I never thought that I could love my baby girl more than I did that very first moment that she was in my arms. But with every day that passes, my love for her continues to grow, endlessly.  Her smile is infectious, her laugh is contagious, her love is unconditional, and she wears her heart on her sleeve. She is strong, independent, brave, and beautiful - both inside and out. She is my heart, my soul, my sun, my moon, and all of my stars. She is my world and she will always be the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me.  I love you with all my heart. Happy 6th birthday. 

With her 6th birthday just around the corner, and her first ever report card expected tonight, I have been thinking a lot about what comes next. Daycare was a bubble, it was safe, familiar, and protective. It gave us everything we needed when we needed it the most. And while our transition to kindergarten has not been seamless, it has been far better than I had originally anticipated.  So, clearly, she’s a big kid now; it’s time for change and she is more than ready for the challenge. I need to encourage her to try new things, allow her to discover whether she can step out of her comfort zone and learn to overcome her fears and uncertainties. I need to take a step back and let her learn to solve more problems on her own, let her experiment and let her learn from her mistakes. I need her to know that, even though she might not like it, failure IS an option and it's completely normal and one of the best ways to learn. I want to build her self confidence and self-esteem, make her beli...

Happy Birthday to me! 42 laps around the sun; some waaaaayyyy longer than others, and a few of them far too short for sure. But I made it alive and mostly in 1 piece; minus 100lbs in the last 18 months – woohoo! But now that I’m here, is this really it? "The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42" The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy , Douglas Adams I’m pretty sure the quote above has become more famous than the novel itself. I mean, how many people have heard the quote but never even read the book? And while geeks around the world have wasted years of their lives trying to put some deep, symbolic, mathematical meaning to the number, the author himself states that there is, in fact, no meaning to it at all. “It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought ‘42 will ...

I am not sure how this happened, but as my BFF put it, I must have blinked because our LO is not so little anymore! In just a matter of days she is turning 5 years old!!! Ok, so she thinks she is 4 going on 15 most days, but that’s just a part of who she is, and I wouldn’t change her for the world. Strong willed children become adults who change the world, as long as we can hang on for the ride and resist the temptation to “tame” the spirit out of them… She has very clear thoughts and opinions, she is fiercely independent, a leader, strong willed, curious, smart, funny, resilient, kind-hearted, creative and HAPPY. In these last couple of weeks, she has become more articulate than ever and conversing with her is always full of surprises! Now we are going to have to watch what we say around her! She is more than I ever could have asked for and everything I have always wanted all rolled up in one. If I had to weather all those storms just to get to her, then they were worth every single...

Another trip around the sun and we wake up to a 4 year old this morning! It really is unbelievable how fast time flies when you get to watch your LO grow. And grow she has! My little dinosaur loving, horseback riding, rock collecting, pine cone hoarding, truck and car enthusiast is simply flourishing. She likes to help around the house, set the table, clean up her toys and I even caught her cleaning the shower walls the other day! She has tried more foods at her age than I had at 20, but if she could live on Eggo waffles, sausages, apples and cheese alone – she would! She has always been, and still is, our unicorn child. She continues to have more empathy in her little finger than kids twice her age, but hearing her ability to express it now (verbally) has made it that much more amazing. I absolutely love her goofiness, her ear to ear smile, and her infectious laugh (even when it comes out as an evil sounding cackle at times). Her “joie de vivre” is admirable. If you ask he...

Have you ever been walking through the grocery store and found that cake mixes and icing were on sale for 1$ each and next thing you knew you were home baking a cake for no particular occasion? Well, consider yourself lucky, because in more remote areas that same cake mix can cost upwards of 10$ and the icing 15$ or more! With prices like that you would think twice about baking an any day cake, and for those who could not afford it birthdays would not be the same. I mean, who doesn’t want to blow out the candles on their birthday cake and make a wish? And this is where the Northern Birthday Box Project comes in! A friend participated with her children and was talking about it so I took a look and found this description on their Facebook page: This page was created to assist in bringing birthday fun to children aged 1-17, living in remote and Northern Canada. Completed birthday applications must be submitted at least 2 months before the child's birthday in order to qualify for a b...

With 40 years looming around the corner, I’ve gotta say… adulting is hard! I mean, generally speaking, everything is under control – but it takes effort to make it look easy! I generally do nothing for my birthday; dinner with DH and the LO and that’s about it. But, every decade or so I like to mix things up a little. I agreed to let my co-workers throw me a little birthday lunch which was held yesterday. It was small, with a guest list that I created, so that was fantastic! Friday I originally had plans for a 5 a 7 but those have fallen through and we will be doing my MIL’s birthday instead. Saturday I have reserved a table for about 15 of us at a kids amusement center. People keep asking me why I would do that for MY birthday and all I can say is that I wouldn’t be me without my LO so, why not? Plus, foam ball air cannons I can shoot people with… I mean, duh! And Sunday is the BIG DAY. Dinner with a couple of dozen friends and family followed by a custom ordered birthday cake all f...

Not a night has gone by when I haven't stopped by her door just to hear her breath. Lately, just before I turn in for the night, I can hear her giggling away through her dreams. It instantly brings a smile to my face and has, admittedly, made it easier for me to sleep at night as well. Looking back, I have to say that the “terrible-twos” weren't so terrible after all. But, I fully expect the trials and tribulations of a “threenager” are in our near future. She is strong willed, stubbornly independent and just a little bit impatient. But she is also kind, curious, generous and empathetic too. She is courageous. She is smart. And she is cheeky, with an amazing sense of humor and a contagious laugh! She always wants to be outside and loves to run errands, even if you’re just going out to get some gas. Everything is an adventure; from checking out the spooky Halloween stores to visiting all of the animals in the pet store, grocery shopping or just walking around the mall. She ...

Its Halloween tomorrow, and the scariest part about it for me is that once it’s over it ushers in November, and the beginning of holiday madness - compounded by birthdays in this family too, argh! With the exception of my LO’s birthday (which is posing its own headache right now), I hate the period between now and early January! I work, full-time, in a job that is slowly sucking the joy out of me. DH travels, a fair bit, bringing about additional work-widow complications and stress. The LO’s medical concerns are at the forefront of my thoughts on a daily basis, especially during flu season. And, with birthday celebrations for both my daughter and niece, Christmas, and New Year’s back-to-back… let’s be honest, I’m left hanging by a thread most days! Let’s not even discuss the fact that (insert Game of Thrones music here) winter is coming! So the last thing I need is extra drama added to my already overwhelming to-do list while I keep up with the looming holiday shit show… but, the...

It never ends! Along with belated birthday wishes today, I was faced with numerous variations of "did you at least get what you wanted?", mostly from co-workers surprised to see me on my day off (which turned into half a day because daycare is closing early on Friday and I couldn't afford 2 full days at this time of year). And yes, I did get what I had hoped for... for the most part, anyhow. Only, I'm not sure how successful I was, considering all of the days preceeding it; arguing with people, defending my wishes, conceeding to some because I no longer had the energy to fight it and so on. I mean, all that for one day of peace! Was it worth it? Do people not understand that they, in effect, contribute to my birthday funk? Well, next year, problem solved! I have decided that I will, in fact, throw myself a party for the big 4-0. And I will ONLY invite those who haven't previously FORCED me to celebrate, in celebration of THEIR understanding of my wishes! S...

Yup, just another year until the big one! In a few days I will turn 39 years old. And, as usual, I have made it abundantly clear that I want absolutely nothing for it and, once again, I feel like I will have to defend my choices. In fact I already have and I know that more is coming. Yippee! Most years I go through the minimum amount of motions simply to appease those around me, because that is the only way I will find one ounce of peace. Usually when someone asks me for gift ideas I tell them I don’t want or need anything, but that answer is never enough. So, last year, I played along and gave everyone the same idea for both my birthday and Christmas too. One simple thing I really wanted and needed help with. And, you know what happened? Not one person listened. Not one person got it for me. Not because it was extravagant, expensive or anything like that either. In fact, it could have cost as little as 5$ to infinite amounts! But, no one listened. No one heard. No one cared. No one...

A couple of few weeks ago I started to go through my collection of images to work on the August wallpaper, but things got busy and I decided to put it aside figuring I had more than enough time to pull something together. Today, over lunch, I looked down at my office phone and noticed that it is already the last day of July! This month has gone by in the blink of an eye! Being work-widowed, pulling together DH's birthday picnic, a few trips to the clinic and hospital for the LO's recurring ear infections, a mini family getaway to our nation's capital and poof! Gone! I will find some time to write more soon, but for now here is August's wallpaper! August 2018 And for a lighter touch, Wallpaper 2.0! August 2018

Another week as a work widow is coming to an end... 8hrs and counting! And, tomorrow is not only Fri-yay but it is DH's birthday too! The big 4-2! Which means he should have all of the answers to the meaning of life, the universe and everything, right? Yes, geek reference, but it's appropriate! I don't have much planned for him this year. Dinner somewhere or other tomorrow night and hopefully a family picnic if the weather co-operates. Right now they predict rain so we shall see. Things may turn out to be more low-key than we planned!

I took the day off yesterday with the best of intentions, but things did not work out as planned... and that's OK! Half way through the LO’s Birthday Party on Sunday, at a toddler amusement center, I became severely nauseous. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but I knew it was bad so I raced home and that’s when it hit… gastro! Yup, 11 long and endless hours of it! Thankfully we had taken 2 cars to get there so DH was able to stay and let the LO run around a while longer while I rested. Monday morning I hear DH up in the bathroom. Sure enough, he had it now as well. Thankfully the LO was fine so off to daycare she went. We both missed work and stayed home to sleep; DH at the beginning of it all, myself in pain from head to toe and now coughing too. Tuesday was supposed to be a quick check-up with the pediatrician followed by a birthday fun day; a visit to our old playgroup and an afternoon with some friends. But, I wasn’t the only one up coughing all night! Sure enough, medi...