39 is just around the corner...
Yup, just another year until the big one! In a few days I will turn 39 years old. And, as usual, I have made it abundantly clear that I want absolutely nothing for it and, once again, I feel like I will have to defend my choices. In fact I already have and I know that more is coming. Yippee!
Most years I go through the minimum amount of motions simply to appease those around me, because that is the only way I will find one ounce of peace. Usually when someone asks me for gift ideas I tell them I don’t want or need anything, but that answer is never enough. So, last year, I played along and gave everyone the same idea for both my birthday and Christmas too. One simple thing I really wanted and needed help with. And, you know what happened? Not one person listened. Not one person got it for me. Not because it was extravagant, expensive or anything like that either. In fact, it could have cost as little as 5$ to infinite amounts! But, no one listened. No one heard. No one cared. No one bothered.
So why should I?
Generally speaking, I want very little in life, and these days I can't even seem to get half of that! If the universe could give me just one thing right now, I would ask that it make those around me understand that it isn't a crime to have no interest in your own birthday! After all, it is MY birthday! And, not only isn't it a crime, it shouldn't have to be debated and defended or explained either! I'm not depressed, I'm not angry, I'm not anything. I'm just not interested. And just because “you” don't understand doesn't mean that what I want, or don't want, is wrong in any way. I have my reasons, and that’s (more than) enough.
And look, if a true friend really wants to sit down and have a conversation with me about it then I am more than open to doing so. Seriously, let’s go! But don't come into it hoping to change my mind.
And, speaking of changing my mind…
Weeks ago I asked DH to take the LO and I out for dinner this weekend, but I have since had a change of heart. I have some plans in mind for my daughter and I, DH too if he is interested, and as long as she is happy then so am I. Really, that is ALL that I want. As long as she is happy, with a smile across her face and giggles heard across the room, I'm good. And yes, when she is older and understands the concept of birthdays, if she wants me to celebrate and go all out I will; for her!
In the meantime, it’s my party and I’ll celebrate alone if I want to! Or not!
Most years I go through the minimum amount of motions simply to appease those around me, because that is the only way I will find one ounce of peace. Usually when someone asks me for gift ideas I tell them I don’t want or need anything, but that answer is never enough. So, last year, I played along and gave everyone the same idea for both my birthday and Christmas too. One simple thing I really wanted and needed help with. And, you know what happened? Not one person listened. Not one person got it for me. Not because it was extravagant, expensive or anything like that either. In fact, it could have cost as little as 5$ to infinite amounts! But, no one listened. No one heard. No one cared. No one bothered.
So why should I?
Generally speaking, I want very little in life, and these days I can't even seem to get half of that! If the universe could give me just one thing right now, I would ask that it make those around me understand that it isn't a crime to have no interest in your own birthday! After all, it is MY birthday! And, not only isn't it a crime, it shouldn't have to be debated and defended or explained either! I'm not depressed, I'm not angry, I'm not anything. I'm just not interested. And just because “you” don't understand doesn't mean that what I want, or don't want, is wrong in any way. I have my reasons, and that’s (more than) enough.
And look, if a true friend really wants to sit down and have a conversation with me about it then I am more than open to doing so. Seriously, let’s go! But don't come into it hoping to change my mind.
And, speaking of changing my mind…
Weeks ago I asked DH to take the LO and I out for dinner this weekend, but I have since had a change of heart. I have some plans in mind for my daughter and I, DH too if he is interested, and as long as she is happy then so am I. Really, that is ALL that I want. As long as she is happy, with a smile across her face and giggles heard across the room, I'm good. And yes, when she is older and understands the concept of birthdays, if she wants me to celebrate and go all out I will; for her!
In the meantime, it’s my party and I’ll celebrate alone if I want to! Or not!
Comments
Post a Comment