I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

We have had an eventful few days, and even more for the week to come. Last Friday the LO had an emotional goodbye with one of the girls who works at daycare. It seems like they had bonded in a short amount of time, and after hearing that this girl would be leaving for school herself, our LO was overcome with emotions. She internalizes first, while processing, and either resolves it on her own or bursts. This time she burst, and she kept repeating that the girl "really likes her" and asking "why is she leaving for school" over and over again. The thing is, while she has bonded with her over the last couple of months, it's nothing in comparison to the attachment she has with her teacher. They met when she was only 3 months old, she's spent time with her on and off throughout her years at daycare, but has actually been in her class for the last 2 years! While her emotions were genuine, I don't feel as though they were truly attached to that particular girl ...

So, Christmas was a little bit different this year but, I must admit, I didn’t hate it - at all! In fact, seeing my MIL on Christmas Eve and my mother/stepfather for a bit on Boxing Day made Christmas Day itself kind of enjoyable! Yeah, yeah, I am probably one of the few who prefer it this way, but I never was one to follow the crowd! So, here’s the breakdown of what we did because a couple of people have asked. Day 1 - Daycare closed. My MIL lives alone so she was exceptionally allowed to join our family bubble for a bit. We ordered Chinese food for lunch, giving us leftovers for days, and the LO opened some of her gifts to keep her entertained as well. Otherwise, a pretty quiet day. Day 2 - Christmas day! Presents first thing in the morning, of course. A walk outside, between rain showers, with some friends in the neighborhood and their dogs. And, aside from that we spent the day alone, just the 3 of us. For dinner, because I was so calm and not frazzled, I made the most amazingly p...

So the presents have been opened, breakfast is finished, and now... well, now what? Who knows! I have wanted a quiet Christmas Day as long as I can remember and I am finally getting it. I was hoping for some snow to go and play at the park or something, but instead we get rain. I mean, why wouldn't we? It's 2020!  But, most importantly, we have our families, our friends and our health. That's all that matters. Merry Christmas everyone!

This is the first year that the LO will be buying gifts for Mom and Dad at Christmas, chosen 100% by her. I took her shopping over the weekend, with a budget, and she will go with her Dad sometime between now and Christmas to shop for me. It amazes me how good she is with numbers and basic math, so I started teaching her about money as well… and the value on things too. Its funny how she really wants a 10$ piece of junk until I tell her she needs to spend HER money that she is saving on it! So, with a budget of 30$, she made some interesting choices for a total of $26.44. On the way back to the car she asked me how much she had left, because her math is limited to single digits right now, and I rounded up to $4. She asks me what happens since she didn’t spend the whole $30. I explained to her that nothing happens, she stayed under budget and that was good. She thought for a minute and said “so, since I didn’t spend it, I have 4$ now?”. Um, no! I told her you just spent MY money, so y...

In some cases, the more things have changed the more they’ve stayed the same. But while many people seem to enjoy focusing on all the negatives these last (how many) months, I am always trying to find the bright side to things. And, in doing so, I have unexpectedly found several silver linings to my Covid world. Let’s start with my weight loss and overall health. I am now nearly 10 months out from surgery. A few weeks ago, I had my follow up with nursing and am happy to report that I have surpassed their expectations! The weight loss goal they set is to lose 60% of your excess weight by 12 months post-op. At only 9 months out, at the time, I had already lost 66% of my excess weight and will continue to lose until 12-18 months out. I firmly believe that I would not have been this successful had I been at work because I wouldn’t have had the discipline that I am able to have at home. Re-learning how to nourish yourself is a long process. For me, it involves reading every single label, mo...

It's new year's eve and I guess that means I should be posting something wise, profound and inspirational. Or maybe a resolution to be broken a few weeks in to the new year? I'm not sure if I have any of that, but I have my truth so here it goes. I'm 40 years old. I've learned from most of my mistakes, but there will be more to make. Nobody's perfect. I recognize that I owe the biggest apology to myself for putting my younger self through things I didn't deserve. But, I am thankful for my struggles because they showed me my strengths. Strengths that I need now. I swear like a sailor and use please and thank you like a saint. I'm complicated like that. I over analyze things because I'm nervous about what could happen if I'm not prepared. I either give too many fucks, or no fucks at all. I haven't quite found the balance yet. Sometimes I shut down for days and don't really talk to anyone, but most days I can't keep quiet for more t...

Another year, another 52-week savings challenge complete and $1378 in the vacation fund! Actually, more than that, because I would randomly throw extra money into the account throughout the year that I didn’t need to be wasting! And, that was a good decision, because with a big year ahead of me I am hoping to go away a little bit longer than usual after I recover so every penny counts! I think this is the third year that I have done this, and every time a couple more people get on board so with 2020 around the corner here are the details again: For anyone who decides to join me, I still highly recommend doing it backwards; start with 52$ the first week and by the holidays you will be down to single digit deposits. It is much less stressful this way and, like last year, I finished my Christmas shopping early and simply made donations through the month of December to places like the Montreal Children’s hospital, Easter Seals Kids in support of my BFF and so on as I didn’t have to ...

The moment I have been waiting for has arrived! This is the last wallpaper of 2019 and the last wallpaper I will be making for a while! I know that a few people are upset with me about this, but I am over the moon... Again, sorry, not sorry! December 2019

I have never been a fan of Valentine’s Day and all the marketing gimmicks that go with it. I would play along, because... chocolate, but I always found it nauseating. The lucky ones find love surrounding them yearlong, even if it is not romantic love; they don’t need a Hallmark date. This morning a friend posted something on Facebook about romantic love that resonated with me. The article states that “We Only Fall in Love with Three People in Our Lifetime – Each One for a Specific Reason”. You can read the full article on Curious Mind Magazine , but the main points are summarized below: The first love happens early in life. This is the love you would die for. The love that is romantic, even dramatic at times. You think this is the love that would last forever, no matter how many people are against it or what comes on your way. You would do anything to save it. In this relationship, even your own principles become unimportant because you are certain that this is it, until you grow ...

Before Christmas I saw a lot of articles pop up on my social media feeds about leaving the smaller gifts for Santa to give, because not all parents have endless money to spend on their kids so it doesn’t make sense to have Santa give your kid an iPad (for example) while his best friend at school gets some new socks and a winter hat. While the LO is still too young to grasp this concept, I did try to explain that her bubble bath, lips gloss and chocolate stuffed stocking came from Santa and the rest came from Mommy and Daddy. We got her lots of smaller gifts, too many probably, but our main gift was the LeapFrog Leapstart 3D with a few books to get her started. It is a learning system that brings books to life with both audio and video. It is marketed towards 2-7 year olds, but at 3 years old I can admit she has some difficulty playing through the activities on her own. I would say that pen control is the biggest issue, so she often points and I press the pages for her. What I like...

Yesterday I woke up and decided to cook my family a proper breakfast, rather than pouring a bowl of cereal or throwing an Eggo in the toaster. I made crepes, bacon and cheddar for DH and I but peanut butter and banana for the LO. They were pretty good! We didn't do much all morning; put away laundry, did the dishes, played games and lounged. Before lunch I ran a bath for the LO as we would be out a couple of nights in a row, and after lunch we napped together. Surprisingly we slept for over 2 hours! It was, peaceful. We went over to my mom's and ordered in dinner. We didn't stay too late and shortly after I put the LO to bed, DH went out to a friends for a bit. Home alone on New Year's Eve, watching Netflix and drafting blogs by myself. And while some people wouldn't be OK with that, and don't understand it, I was happy. I enjoyed Christmas this year, so much so that DH said he preferred when I hated it (I think he was joking). But, I'm still not into New Ye...

This Christmas break didn't start off as planned as I got hit with gastro or food poisoning the first night! But, aside from the usual holiday chaos and another leaky ear for the LO, things have been pretty good so far. Mostly quiet, which I need these days. In less than 3 weeks we are headed into surgery again to replace the fallen ear tube and have her adenoids removed as well in hopes of clearing up the issues once and for all. She has another follow up with her ophthalmologist too because we are starting to see her eye turn inwards again. Hopefully the surgery works well this time and her eye can be fixed with glasses alone and we can go on with our year not plagued by medical woes. Even if she does need another eye surgery, at least we know what to expect this time and it should be the last. A quiet night ahead with no chance of making it to midnight! Ever since we actually stood in Times Square for New Year's, over a decade ago now, the thrill of watching the ball dro...

For three years now, we have brought the LO to see Santa Claus at the mall. And, aside from the first year when she was too young to understand anything, she has had a major meltdown because, quite frankly, she’s afraid of him. In fact, last year’s meltdown was so bad she never actually saw Santa, and he was no help because he just sat there waiting for us to leave and the next child to come like an assembly line. I think maybe he was actually the Grinch in disguise. But I had heard positive things about another Santa, closer to home, so one night after daycare last year I decided to drive by and give him a try since there was nobody waiting in line. Well, inevitably, she was still afraid and the tears came pouring down. But there was something special about the jolly old man in front of us. He was calm, he was patient, he was sincere, he was... no word of a lie, Santa. He has the bluest eyes, the warmest heart, and the kindest spirit. We managed to get a decent enough picture and ...

Every year I find myself being the expected organizer of activities, big and small, with friends, family and co-workers throughout the month of December. And, every year, I have found myself wondering who will step up and pick up my slack if I simply don’t feel like taking care of everything. Well, this year I got my answer. No one. And that’s OK! The people I rarely see but would make time for over the holidays, they haven’t even called. Most of the co-workers I would organize events with have all asked me what/when we are doing something, but none have volunteered to plan anything when I’ve told them I just wasn’t up to it. In fact, this year everyone seems “too busy anyway”, so I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t organize, right? As for family, or extended family to be clear, I will absolutely make the effort to keep up with them – just as soon as work is finished! Even if it’s just for a hot chocolate break between the chaos, they are the ones I will always make the time for....

Slowly but surely, I am starting to understand my detachment from the holidays in recent years. Growing up I was surrounded by numerous traditions that were carried out, primarily, by my grandmother; Christmas stockings filled by Santa, a big turkey dinner surrounded by stuffing balls, fruit cake, warm mince tarts, finding treasure in the plum pudding, and – of course - Christmas crackers! But as she grew older, those traditions faded away. And, with her passing, those traditions are mostly all gone now. Yes, I celebrate the holidays with my in-laws and extended family each year, but I honestly can’t help but feel like a foreign body amidst the chaos. But this year has been different. As I watch my LO grow, and get a better understanding of the holidays, I am remembering how important all of those traditions were to me as a child; so important that we need to start putting some of our own into place. For years I didn’t even feel like putting up our artificial tree (lazy, rig...

Its Halloween tomorrow, and the scariest part about it for me is that once it’s over it ushers in November, and the beginning of holiday madness - compounded by birthdays in this family too, argh! With the exception of my LO’s birthday (which is posing its own headache right now), I hate the period between now and early January! I work, full-time, in a job that is slowly sucking the joy out of me. DH travels, a fair bit, bringing about additional work-widow complications and stress. The LO’s medical concerns are at the forefront of my thoughts on a daily basis, especially during flu season. And, with birthday celebrations for both my daughter and niece, Christmas, and New Year’s back-to-back… let’s be honest, I’m left hanging by a thread most days! Let’s not even discuss the fact that (insert Game of Thrones music here) winter is coming! So the last thing I need is extra drama added to my already overwhelming to-do list while I keep up with the looming holiday shit show… but, the...

It’s the end of August, so naturally Costco has their winter pajamas, boots and snowsuits out already! We went to pick up a few things last week and I was hoping to get some 2-piece winter PJ’s but they only had footed onesies. The LO tends to sleep without any covers on so maybe those aren’t so bad after all, aside from the fact that I hate them and potty training is around the corner! She isn’t a fan of pink, and prefers blue, so when I saw a heather grey pair covered in multicolored woodland creatures I thought she would approve, or at least compromise. I showed them to her and got an immediate “no, pas ca” in response. I looked across the table and saw that the only other options were extra girly, so they wouldn’t do either. I was about to move on and then I saw her staring at something on the “boys” side of the table. I told her to go and choose one, thinking she would pick the goofy blue monster, but instead she pulled off another heather grey pair… covered in bright yellow ...

Living in La Belle Province presents us with two long weekends back to back to kick off the summer; one for La Fete Nationale du Quebec (Saint-Jean-Baptiste Day) and one for Canada Day. I like being around home for the latter, but prefer to be away for the former. Maybe because it is a “French” holiday, or maybe just because I feel the need to get away and can’t wait any longer! More than once we have been up north for this holiday, where the population is much more francophone, and it has been surprisingly quiet! I think they all leave their smaller towns and head out to Montreal and Quebec City to celebrate, or off to their cottages to party with friends. Either way, it makes the experience quite pleasant for us! Not that I have anything against French people, as I am half French myself, but I prefer serenity when I try to get away from it all. This year we visited Santa’s Village – his home away from the North Pole. There was a petting zoo, small activities like an electric tra...

While the Easter long weekend is now over, it got me thinking about traditions. Growing up in a Christian household, this was a time when we would "praise the resurrection of Jesus Christ". I would wake up to an Easter egg hunt, get dressed in my Sunday best and head to church with my parents. This was always followed by a fancy Easter dinner, prepared by my Nan, and inevitably more chocolate than I knew what to do with! While I grew up with these traditions, year after year, I don’t feel that I ever truly believed in any of it; to me it was always about family time… and chocolate. And, to be honest, it still is! While religion and “God” are not something I have any belief in nowadays, I am still surrounded by those who are truly devoted, those who claim to be, and those who clearly aren't fooling anybody. I never really cared before, and just went along with it all, but having a daughter to instill honest and open values in has created a need to figure things out...

And with Spring come Easter, a religious holiday that we celebrate with chocolate! Er, wait, that doesn't sound right, does it? That's because it isn't! Wait, the Bible doesn't make reference to a long-eared rabbit delivering decorated chocolate eggs to everyone? Hrm, imagine that! A brief Google search on the history of Easter eggs brings up references to German immigrants, pagan traditions and... Cadbury, of course! What this has to do with the supposed "resurrection of Christ" is beyond me, but it is what it is. And so, being atheists (or agnostics - still figuring that out), I suppose we get together to celebrate... chocolate... and a much needed long weekend with close friends and family! Oh, and a new wallpaper of course! April 2018