Hindsight is 2020!
It's new year's eve and I guess that means I should be posting something wise, profound and inspirational. Or maybe a resolution to be broken a few weeks in to the new year? I'm not sure if I have any of that, but I have my truth so here it goes.
I'm 40 years old. I've learned from most of my mistakes, but there will be more to make. Nobody's perfect. I recognize that I owe the biggest apology to myself for putting my younger self through things I didn't deserve. But, I am thankful for my struggles because they showed me my strengths. Strengths that I need now.
I swear like a sailor and use please and thank you like a saint. I'm complicated like that. I over analyze things because I'm nervous about what could happen if I'm not prepared. I either give too many fucks, or no fucks at all. I haven't quite found the balance yet. Sometimes I shut down for days and don't really talk to anyone, but most days I can't keep quiet for more than a minute. And, sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out! C'est la vie!
But, admit it, life would be boring without me! Sure, my circle is smaller than it was a decade ago, but in life we never lose friends, we just learn who the true ones are and I will take quality over quantity any day!
I have learned to notice the people who are happy for my happiness and sad for my sadness. The ones who walk in when the rest of the world walks out. The ones who lift me up when no one notices I've fallen. Those are the friends who gave become my chosen family, and they are the ones who deserve a special place in my heart.
And, as for being a mom, I've been told I'm really good at it. Even on days I feel like I'm failing her, she looks up at me and tells me I'm her best friend. It melts my heart.But at the end of the day, I'm just trying to be the role model that I needed as a child.
So, 2020. Am I ready for it? Absofuckinglutely!
This year will bring about changes I can't even describe. I plan to focus on where I want to go, not on my fears because everything you want is on the other side of fear. I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter this new phase of my life... no more bullshit. I feel like a caterpillar; 10 days from now I will stop eating (liquid fast), spin myself a silky cocoon (of emotional support) and then, after surgery and a long journey ahead, hopefully emerge a butterfly (and not a moth).
So, if you're walking in to 2020 with me, we are in each other's lives for a reason. Thanks for showing up!
I'm 40 years old. I've learned from most of my mistakes, but there will be more to make. Nobody's perfect. I recognize that I owe the biggest apology to myself for putting my younger self through things I didn't deserve. But, I am thankful for my struggles because they showed me my strengths. Strengths that I need now.
I swear like a sailor and use please and thank you like a saint. I'm complicated like that. I over analyze things because I'm nervous about what could happen if I'm not prepared. I either give too many fucks, or no fucks at all. I haven't quite found the balance yet. Sometimes I shut down for days and don't really talk to anyone, but most days I can't keep quiet for more than a minute. And, sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out! C'est la vie!
But, admit it, life would be boring without me! Sure, my circle is smaller than it was a decade ago, but in life we never lose friends, we just learn who the true ones are and I will take quality over quantity any day!
I have learned to notice the people who are happy for my happiness and sad for my sadness. The ones who walk in when the rest of the world walks out. The ones who lift me up when no one notices I've fallen. Those are the friends who gave become my chosen family, and they are the ones who deserve a special place in my heart.
So, 2020. Am I ready for it? Absofuckinglutely!
This year will bring about changes I can't even describe. I plan to focus on where I want to go, not on my fears because everything you want is on the other side of fear. I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter this new phase of my life... no more bullshit. I feel like a caterpillar; 10 days from now I will stop eating (liquid fast), spin myself a silky cocoon (of emotional support) and then, after surgery and a long journey ahead, hopefully emerge a butterfly (and not a moth).
So, if you're walking in to 2020 with me, we are in each other's lives for a reason. Thanks for showing up!
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