I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

I never thought I would be referring to this, but you know that scene, from Family Guy? Stewie Griffin: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma! Lois Griffin: WHAT?! Stewie Griffin: Hi. [Runs off giggling] That scene used to be hilarious for me… until it became my everyday life. And I am not even referring to being a mom! Lately I feel like too many people have become overly dependent on me, both in my personal life and at the office. And, as their needs grow exponentially I am plain and simply becoming tapped out! I have needs too! And right now I honestly just need to NOT be needed for a while! Without getting into depth about my job, let’s just say that I am part of a team of people who support thousands of clients every day, and approximately 1300 of them are more specifically assigned to me. And, the majority of these clients are “Millennials”... a generatio...

On January 25th, I went to pick up the LO at daycare and was met with 2 very concerned educators at the door. My daughter had just run into a wall, nose first, leaving a red and blue mark across the bridge of her nose and under her left eye and had a little bit of a nose bleed. She was upset, crying hysterically, but otherwise she was fine. About a week later, I noticed that her left eye was turning inwards. She was very tired at the time, but this was new... and worrisome. Was it the accident that caused this? See, when I was her age, I was convinced that I could fly. I leaped off the top of the stairs and quickly discovered that, in fact, I could NOT fly. I landed face first on the paved driveway, and subsequently wound up with horribly crossed eyes a few days later. We don't really know if the impact caused the crossing or if it was coincidental timing but now, 36 years later, it has become evident that my daughter is possibly facing a similar fate. Because it continued to...

As I come upon my 17yr work anniversary,  all in the same department, I realize that I am also at the half way point to early retirement; freedom 55!!! That doesn't mean that I plan to retire then, or ever as I don't know what I would do with so much free time, but I will have the option to. So, naturally, all of the work-related turmoil that started this past summer (and continues now, but in a different way) is starting to feel a bit like a career midlife crisis! I am pretty sure that I have become the "problem child" in the eyes of management, but as a mentor pointed out to me... I am simply trying to guide my ship through calm waters, it is others who are creating the stormy conditions. It has taken me a whole year since returning from maternity leave to understand that my 9-5 is now my part time job. My daughter is my priority, 24/7, and for that to work the way I want it to (the way it should) I need to be happy. And, to put it simply, I am not. I've com...

As I reset the numbers on a date stamp in the office today, I realized it had been one year since I had returned to work from my maternity leave... And then, I got depressed. Because had I been able to take an additional year of like I had wanted, today would have been my first day back. Because had today been my first day back, I wouldn't have had to endure the turmoil I experienced at the office this past summer. Because while I still love my job... I cannot breathe in my environment. Because I am fed up... of not being listened to, not being heard.. and feeling like I am nothing but a number. Before I went for surgery I applied for, interviewed and was offered another position. After much debate, I turned it down. No, officially, I withdrew my candidacy. My guilt about leaving for surgery, my loyalty to a project that was coming to fruition weeks after my return, a long unexpected talk with a coworker and my hope that things would get better made me do it. Don't g...