One year has passed...

As I reset the numbers on a date stamp in the office today, I realized it had been one year since I had returned to work from my maternity leave...

And then, I got depressed.

Because had I been able to take an additional year of like I had wanted, today would have been my first day back.

Because had today been my first day back, I wouldn't have had to endure the turmoil I experienced at the office this past summer.

Because while I still love my job... I cannot breathe in my environment. Because I am fed up... of not being listened to, not being heard.. and feeling like I am nothing but a number.

Before I went for surgery I applied for, interviewed and was offered another position. After much debate, I turned it down. No, officially, I withdrew my candidacy. My guilt about leaving for surgery, my loyalty to a project that was coming to fruition weeks after my return, a long unexpected talk with a coworker and my hope that things would get better made me do it. Don't get me wrong, I didn't love the position once I had the details either, but it would have been a change.

Anyhow, I don't regret my choice because it showed me that I need to speak up for myself more; shed light on the inadequacies, bring forward my ideas and try to find a resolution to my problems through proper channels. In other words, I have a union... and I should use it. I never thought I would need them, but if I learned anything on leave it was to know when to ask for help!

And that is what I am fighting for now. I get the feeling that I am being brushed off every which way I turn, but I am not going to back down!

I'm going to go hug my little girl now. In just over a week she will be two years old!!! I can't believe it.