Own your storm...

"He said when the seasons changed, I changed.
For the first time I think he was right"
Mud Vein by Tarryn Fisher

Trying to gather my thoughts these days is like trying to wrestle a toddler into a car seat during a temper tantrum – impossible! What I thought was a weeklong depression became a month-long struggle; as the depression pulled me down the anxiety amped up and the emotional storm began. But not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path and turn everything sunny side up.

I reached out to my doctors for help and we decided that it was time to try a new antidepressant. What I thought was malabsorption of my old medication, due to my sleeve, was more likely breakthrough depression – a sign that my former antidepressants just weren’t working anymore. I had been on them for the better part of 4 years and even after a recent increase in dose, I simply continued to spiral.

Apparently, this can occur naturally for 1/3 of people taking antidepressants. You can build up a tolerance and the medications simply stop working as well as they used to. But in my case, my surgery in February likely triggered the change; drastic weight loss, hormonal shifts, thyroid fluctuations (blood tests in a couple of weeks) and more. Not to mention the Covid pandemic hit around the same time I was operated and that brought on a whole new world of stress along with it.

My constant concern is that this is more than a combination of clinical depression/seasonal affective disorder/generalized anxiety, and my suspicions remain that I have Bipolar II but I will leave this to the experts. Unfortunately, a true diagnosis takes time and with everyone working remotely these days the check-ins with my psychiatrist have been quick and minimal. This will change now.

So, for the moment I have a new antidepressant to incorporate into my life. And while I adapt to the new antidepressant, I also must wean off the old ones. No pressure! I anticipate a bit of a roller coaster ride over the next few weeks, but when I come out the other side, I will hopefully be happier than a seagull with a french fry!

Daily vitamins, medications and antidepressants - oh my!