Honest reflections...

I'm finally coming out of the mental fog that has surrounded me for the last month or so! I have reached out to a few friends after weeks of ghosting them, made plans with a couple of others for when our Covid curfew is lifted next week, and I have even managed to have a couple of tougher conversations with some people without going into a full blown depression as a result! And what has become abundantly clear in those conversations is that I really do not see myself the same way as others see me!

In fact, I would probably be much kinder to myself if I could see myself their way.

One friend reminded me about how far I’ve come since we first met 18yrs ago, joking that I was finally an adult. Another was saying how brave and strong I was to battle through a decade of fertility issues, and how amazing a mother I have become. And another couldn’t believe her eyes when I sent her some current pictures of me. She said I’ve inspired her to take control of her own poor eating habits and get in shape.

I am flabbergasted at the way people see me, because I struggle to see myself the same way. I have my moments, but they are few and far between.

I went down the Pinterest rabbit hole and stumbled on a bunch of quotes about reflections and mirrors. One said that “Sometimes we depend on other people as a mirror; to define us and let us see who we truly are” and this couldn't be truer in the last week!

There are two people in particular that make me feel like, even with the simplest of words, I am unknowingly projecting all of my fears on them and they are simply reflecting them back at me - as raw and not sugarcoated as can be. They say that a friend’s eye is a good mirror, and these friends always give me the most honest reflections of myself. But I’m not going to lie, it really stings sometimes. It doesn’t hurt, but it certainly leaves its mark; not because they said or did anything wrong, but because they know me better than I know myself and sometimes it's hard to see your true self in the mirror.