I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

As the days in isolation have turned to weeks, and rumor is that the weeks will likely be extended to months, my anxiety has been mostly under control. Yes, I have raised one of my meds back to where it was before surgery preventatively, but I haven't felt the need for the additional tranquilizer and that's a good thing! But, surprising. I reached out to a bunch of friends around me who similarly deal with anxiety and, for the most part, we are all unbelievably calm during this storm. It's like we've been training for this our whole lives! We see everyone around us beginning to feel the way we do every day and, in a strange way, it's extremely comforting. It almost normalizes how I feel. Feeling nervous, restless or tense? Having trouble sleeping? All those nights while everyone else was sleeping fine, I had insomnia. Now everyone else has insomnia and I could sleep all day! Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety? Afraid to go out shopping, for...

“Know that we are connected in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.” Rev. Dr. Lynn Ungar I should be working right now. DH took the LO out for a few hours so that I could catch up with a few things after working full time, maintaining a household full time and parenting full time this last week amidst the pandemic. But I can’t focus. These last few days have been trying, with difficult decisions to make every day. Go to the store or shop online? Bring the LO or leave her at home? Go outside even though it’s raining or stay inside and watch TV? Work some more or play a little longer? Fight or flight? So, having to worry about what other people think or feel about my decisions is the last thing I want to stress about right now! I never was “the popular girl”, and I know that I don’t share the popular public opinion right now. But you know what? I am ok with that. Everyone has their own ways of dealing and coping with things, and right now this world is very new to all of us and no ...

Tomorrow is my first day back to work! Except that, it isn't. The world is dealing with the Covid19 "corona" Pandemic and I work in an educational institution so we have been shut down for the next 2 weeks in hopes of reducing the spread. Not only shut down, but quarantined at home as much as humanly possible as well. Did I mention that daycares as closed as well? Yes, that's right, I will be quarantined with my 4yr old! And possibly DH as well! Help! (Ps. happy anniversary DH!) I am almost glad that I was hit by a nasty cough this last week that slowed me down and made me rest up, because now I am expected to do what I can for work from home WITH my LO at my feet. She asks to go out nearly every day so keeping her home will be a challenge! So, one month post-op requires some stats to be posted I think, no? I feel like I should have lost more in pounds, but I am not measuring inches and I'm assuming those are catching up to the weightloss as I hit a stall t...

I can't believe that 2 whole weeks have already gone by! I had my first follow up yesterday with the dietician and she was happy with everything. The goal with surgery is to lose a minimum of 60% of excess weight in the next year. I have already lost 19% so I'm a third of the way there! More importantly, to me, my sugars are already under control and I should be pulled of the last remaining diabetic medication late next week. I am finally off my diet of oatmeal and cream soups and have graduated to soft and/or pureed foods for the next few weeks. I had a hard boiled egg for lunch and a chili puree last night for dinner. After weeks of bland food they were both delicious! So good that I have a batch of chili going in the slow cooker now to last me the week, or more! I also dropped by work to say hi and, while I admittedly do miss it a little, I am in no rush to go back. Recovery has certainly been going better than I ever expected, but my energy levels are not enough to get thro...

I’m back! Surgery went well overall and I have been home for a couple of days now, but there were definitely some surprises along the way. Friday, February 14th – We stayed at my MIL’s the night before so that the LO would have someone to look after her for the day and we could simply worry about getting me where I needed to be. Everything went well and we were right on time, although surgery itself was delayed by an hour or so. No big deal. I wasn’t anxious, nervous, scared or anything. It was… weird. I don’t remember surgery at all, but I do remember tremendous back pain once in my room (which was upgraded to private, yahoo). Morphine, morphine and more morphine. DH left while I was drugged out to get the LO who was now at his brother’s house having fun with her cousins. I knew going into this that I needed him with her more than with me. Saturday February 15th – There is a first time for everything! My nausea, either from surgery or morphine, was out of control. I was vomiting blood...