I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

I am glad I live in a world where there are Octobers... and Starbucks, because I am obsessed with Pumpkin Spice!!! Here's your October wallpaper! October 2018

It has been 9 days since our LO had two surgeries; one for strabismus (crossed eyes) and another to replace the tube in her ear that fell out soon after being placed one year ago. And, before I get to the details, I am happy to report that everything was a success! I will start with her ears since the explanation is simpler. Basically, she has had chronic ear infections since she was 4 months old. Last year, not yet 2yrs old, her ENT placed tubes in both ears to encourage better fluid drainage in order to help prevent infection. By the time she had her follow-up, 3 months later, one had already found its way out of her ear and we were dealing with the first of many more infections. Once the decision was made that she would be having eye surgery (requiring anesthesia), and after her eardrum partially ruptured causing us to have her ear vacuumed out twice in a week (not fun!), her ENT agreed to place a new tube in for us. Now, strabismus surgery... I myself had this surgery

Once again, I am amazed at the rollercoaster of emotions that one can experience in a day; it is truly phenomenal! Admittedly, I am already in a very fragile state, with far too much on my plate according to my therapist (not that I needed her observation on this as I am already highly aware), but yesterday was simply unbelievable. Since DH left late Saturday night so we are on our own. I typically leave errands for when he is away as it takes a good chunk out of the long day and our LO is a very content little shopper. She doesn’t typically throw tantrums and, when she does, they are quickly over and done with. But not this one! This one required every ounce of myself that I could muster and, even then, it left me mentally depleted. On the way to Wal-Mart I could see that she was falling asleep so I took the long way there to be sure she knocked out before I turned off the engine. Once parked, I left her sleep for a good 30 minutes so that she would be ok through shopping and lunch, b

I don’t remember how it came up exactly, but recently someone asked me what the biggest change was after becoming a mom. My answer was simple; priorities. My priorities were rarely ever static and they would always fluctuate throughout the year; too often work-related, frequently health oriented, often times centered on family or relationship issues, sometimes focused on friendships and not often enough about myself. But now, whatever order all of those fall in – my daughter always comes first. And I think this is why this past summer, these last few weeks, and the next 10 days have and will be extra difficult for me. Not because my daughter is my number one priority, but because I haven’t quite figured out how to make all the rest of it less of one. It is high-season at work, complicated by recent and ongoing health issues for myself, coupled with on and off work-widowing (about to happen again) and compounded by the LO’s upcoming eye and ear surgeries. All areas which I mistakenly be