Polarizing parenting
Once again, I am amazed at the rollercoaster of emotions that one can experience in a day; it is truly phenomenal! Admittedly, I am already in a very fragile state, with far too much on my plate according to my therapist (not that I needed her observation on this as I am already highly aware), but yesterday was simply unbelievable.
Since DH left late Saturday night so we are on our own. I typically leave errands for when he is away as it takes a good chunk out of the long day and our LO is a very content little shopper. She doesn’t typically throw tantrums and, when she does, they are quickly over and done with. But not this one! This one required every ounce of myself that I could muster and, even then, it left me mentally depleted.
On the way to Wal-Mart I could see that she was falling asleep so I took the long way there to be sure she knocked out before I turned off the engine. Once parked, I left her sleep for a good 30 minutes so that she would be ok through shopping and lunch, but hopefully tired enough for a short nap in the afternoon. I woke her up, gently, and gave her some time before getting out of the car. She’s like her Dad and doesn’t bounce out of bed, if you know what I mean!
I picked her up and carried her to the shopping cart. Sometimes she demands to be in the larger section of the cart, but I told her she would have to sit up top because we had a lot to buy and she seemed generally fine with it, no complaints… until we got about 10 feet into the store.
Out of nowhere she began screaming, shrieking and hollering; tears streaming down her face, kicking, shouting no, and just generally melting down. I looked to see if maybe she had sat on something, got hurt in some way, but there was nothing I could find. I tried to talk to her but she would just scream. I figured maybe she wanted to sit in the big compartment so I asked her if she wanted to move. Nothing. I finally tried to pick her up to console her and she just fought her way out of my arms down to the floor.
I cannot tell you how small I felt in that moment. People were walking by, staring at what was going on, and my mind was racing 1000 thoughts a minute. I am not beating her! I am not kidnapping her! Don’t judge me! Stop looking at me! And, deep down, silently screaming HELP ME!
Finally, I picked her up and held her as close to me as possible. I walked away from the shopping cart and made a bee line for the front door. I remember seeing people move out of the way to let us through, even cars in the parking lot. Thank you!
Once at the car she fought me with Herculean strength not to go in the car seat. I won, somehow. I got her in, straps over her shoulders and pulled them as tight as I could. Not to punish her, but for her own safety! I got the buckles done and yes, I closed the door. I took a second to breathe and then went in the back seat, beside her while she continued to cry and scream, pull her hair, all the while kicking the passenger seat and hitting the window and anything within range.
When she finally started to calm down, about 15 minutes later, I offered her a pacifier. She refused at first, but then asked for it. I asked her if she would like to count to 10 with me, something we have started doing when we need her to focus. She refused, but muttered “Mama do it”, so I obliged. Now, fully calm, I asked her if she wanted to go home or go back in the store. She said home so I jumped out of the back seat and into the front. As soon as the engine started she started to whimper. I asked her what was wrong and she mumbled that she wanted to shop. I hesitated, but decided to try again.
I got her out, walked to the shopping carts, told her again that she needs to sit up front and she didn’t fight me on it. I walked into the store, heart racing and fearing the worst, but she was as mellow as could be. Phew.
About 15 minutes into shopping, she tapped my hand and said “Mama,… sorry”. I was pissed, but I thanked her. “Mama sad?” she asked. “A little bit. Mommy isn’t happy right now”. “Oh, ok. Mama sad… Mama hug?” she asked. I bent down to hug her and she pushed me away. I looked at her, puzzled and worried she would scream again, but she opened her arms wide, indicating that she wanted to hug ME! I bent down and let her hold on to me as long as she wanted, while tears welled up in my eyes. I thanked her and finished getting everything we came for with tears stinging the entire time.
In the afternoon, seeing that she was tired again, I asked her to nap. This is usually another battle, because she is a big girl who doesn’t need naps she thinks. But, she went upstairs willingly. I put her in my bed because she really hates napping in her crib and, instead of lying next to her like I usually would, I walked away. While I wouldn’t have minded napping with her, I needed some time alone. It was a risk, but, it panned out. She slept for 2 hours! So long, in fact, that I went to wake her for fear she would sleep through dinner and wake up at 4am!
She woke up a whole different child. Happy, playful, helpful, and her usual self.
Fearing a ruined bedtime, I remembered that a good bath always helps calm her down at night so I decided to let her play in the tub for quite some time, hoping she would not procrastinate through the bed time routine. I went to get a washcloth and I heard one of her toys fall into the tub. “Oh no!, Mama! Elephant bo-bo”! Ok, not the end of the world. I stood and watched while she took care of Elephant. Cleaning it, kissing it better, and using some soap as cream. She laid it on the side of the bathtub and said that the bo-bo was gone now and it was sleeping.
This! This is my child!! Not the one in Wal-Mart!!! I mean, in reality I love them both the same… but give a Mama a break!
Since DH left late Saturday night so we are on our own. I typically leave errands for when he is away as it takes a good chunk out of the long day and our LO is a very content little shopper. She doesn’t typically throw tantrums and, when she does, they are quickly over and done with. But not this one! This one required every ounce of myself that I could muster and, even then, it left me mentally depleted.
On the way to Wal-Mart I could see that she was falling asleep so I took the long way there to be sure she knocked out before I turned off the engine. Once parked, I left her sleep for a good 30 minutes so that she would be ok through shopping and lunch, but hopefully tired enough for a short nap in the afternoon. I woke her up, gently, and gave her some time before getting out of the car. She’s like her Dad and doesn’t bounce out of bed, if you know what I mean!
I picked her up and carried her to the shopping cart. Sometimes she demands to be in the larger section of the cart, but I told her she would have to sit up top because we had a lot to buy and she seemed generally fine with it, no complaints… until we got about 10 feet into the store.
Out of nowhere she began screaming, shrieking and hollering; tears streaming down her face, kicking, shouting no, and just generally melting down. I looked to see if maybe she had sat on something, got hurt in some way, but there was nothing I could find. I tried to talk to her but she would just scream. I figured maybe she wanted to sit in the big compartment so I asked her if she wanted to move. Nothing. I finally tried to pick her up to console her and she just fought her way out of my arms down to the floor.
I cannot tell you how small I felt in that moment. People were walking by, staring at what was going on, and my mind was racing 1000 thoughts a minute. I am not beating her! I am not kidnapping her! Don’t judge me! Stop looking at me! And, deep down, silently screaming HELP ME!
Finally, I picked her up and held her as close to me as possible. I walked away from the shopping cart and made a bee line for the front door. I remember seeing people move out of the way to let us through, even cars in the parking lot. Thank you!
Once at the car she fought me with Herculean strength not to go in the car seat. I won, somehow. I got her in, straps over her shoulders and pulled them as tight as I could. Not to punish her, but for her own safety! I got the buckles done and yes, I closed the door. I took a second to breathe and then went in the back seat, beside her while she continued to cry and scream, pull her hair, all the while kicking the passenger seat and hitting the window and anything within range.
When she finally started to calm down, about 15 minutes later, I offered her a pacifier. She refused at first, but then asked for it. I asked her if she would like to count to 10 with me, something we have started doing when we need her to focus. She refused, but muttered “Mama do it”, so I obliged. Now, fully calm, I asked her if she wanted to go home or go back in the store. She said home so I jumped out of the back seat and into the front. As soon as the engine started she started to whimper. I asked her what was wrong and she mumbled that she wanted to shop. I hesitated, but decided to try again.
I got her out, walked to the shopping carts, told her again that she needs to sit up front and she didn’t fight me on it. I walked into the store, heart racing and fearing the worst, but she was as mellow as could be. Phew.
About 15 minutes into shopping, she tapped my hand and said “Mama,… sorry”. I was pissed, but I thanked her. “Mama sad?” she asked. “A little bit. Mommy isn’t happy right now”. “Oh, ok. Mama sad… Mama hug?” she asked. I bent down to hug her and she pushed me away. I looked at her, puzzled and worried she would scream again, but she opened her arms wide, indicating that she wanted to hug ME! I bent down and let her hold on to me as long as she wanted, while tears welled up in my eyes. I thanked her and finished getting everything we came for with tears stinging the entire time.
In the afternoon, seeing that she was tired again, I asked her to nap. This is usually another battle, because she is a big girl who doesn’t need naps she thinks. But, she went upstairs willingly. I put her in my bed because she really hates napping in her crib and, instead of lying next to her like I usually would, I walked away. While I wouldn’t have minded napping with her, I needed some time alone. It was a risk, but, it panned out. She slept for 2 hours! So long, in fact, that I went to wake her for fear she would sleep through dinner and wake up at 4am!
She woke up a whole different child. Happy, playful, helpful, and her usual self.
Fearing a ruined bedtime, I remembered that a good bath always helps calm her down at night so I decided to let her play in the tub for quite some time, hoping she would not procrastinate through the bed time routine. I went to get a washcloth and I heard one of her toys fall into the tub. “Oh no!, Mama! Elephant bo-bo”! Ok, not the end of the world. I stood and watched while she took care of Elephant. Cleaning it, kissing it better, and using some soap as cream. She laid it on the side of the bathtub and said that the bo-bo was gone now and it was sleeping.
This! This is my child!! Not the one in Wal-Mart!!! I mean, in reality I love them both the same… but give a Mama a break!
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