New season, new chapter

Fall is here and, once again, Mother Nature is about to show us how lovely it is to simply let things go; shed the dead weight, release the old and make way for the new. And for once I am listening, welcoming a fresh start once and for all!

The older I get, the more I realize that I don't want to be around drama, conflict or stress anymore. I just want my house to feel like a home, good (for you) food on the table and to be surrounded by the company of positive, supportive, loyal and happy people. That’s it. That’s all. 

The most important work we will ever do
is within the walls of our own homes
Harold B. Lee

Let’s start with my immediate family. As someone who has been surrounded by dysfunctional families her whole life, my own as well as others’ experiences, I can honestly say that the whole “blood is thicker than water” quote people freely throw around is complete BS! Just because someone is a blood relative, does not mean that they have an innate ability to provide the love and support one needs in their lives. Personally, I have parents (blood) but have always gravitated towards alternate parental figures (water) in their place because my own were not fulfilling my needs. And while I have no biological siblings (blood), I have a circle of friends that mean so much more to me than a BFF does that they are like my sisters and brothers (water). Do we get along all the time? Heck no! But neither do real siblings! When it comes to family, I do not feel indebted to anyone, blood or water, who doesn’t deserve me; but I am loyal to a fault for those who do.

And then there is my chosen partner, and with him the in-laws and extended family. This saying is true, “you can choose your partner, but you cannot choose your in-laws”! While none of these individuals are blood, there is a certain bond with one’s partner that is closer to blood than water. But, do you need to like the ocean full of water that is your partners family? It’s not a requirement, I mean you are married to your partner and not their family (legally or not), but if you truly dislike them it can be a very tricky situation to navigate! Thankfully, I don’t dislike my in-laws, however we are certainly coming from very different backgrounds and over the last few years I have come to realize that we do not see eye to eye on most subjects. While their opinions matter, and they are certainly entitled to them, I am not obliged to agree with them and the bottom line is that my relationship with DH should be the main priority and he and I are the only ones who need to work together to be on the same page. During a very difficult period some years ago a couple’s therapist told us that he needs to manage his people and I need to manage mine. This made a tremendous difference in our lives then and it is something that I feel we will be going back to now; sometimes its OK to take a break, from one another or from each others’ families, if that’s truly what you need to reset, refocus and rebuild. 

And last, but certainly never the least, is my child. Of course, she is my blood, my heart, my everything. This is the one and only constant I have ever felt in my entire life. She brings me joy, love, laughter and challenges too, but my love for her is 100% unconditional; something that I have rarely ever felt. But this doesn’t stop with her. While I only have one child of my own, all those years TTC made me realize that the motherly instinct way down inside of me can certainly extend to others. In fact, I think it needed to be shared during those darker times and I think that is what helped pull me through. Nieces, nephews, children of my closest friends… all water, but all loved as though they are my own. I may want to borrow them at times, but you can all have them back at the end of the day!

So, while I take a minute to work on myself and my home, my focus going forward will be on those who bring me happiness – blood OR water. These last few months have been extremely trying and the whole pandemic situation has only magnified some kinks that need to be worked out under our roof. This doesn't mean that I am closing the book on everything, but I am choosing to turn the page and start a new chapter. Mama is tired, and needs a break.