Please Listen

This is something I first stumbled upon many moons ago, that I think needs a reminder every now and then... especially now, in my world. So, I thought I would share for anyone else who needs to hear this right now.

A Poem About Listening (Ray Houghton, M.D.)

Please, just listen.

When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me, and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me, and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk, or do… just hear.

Advice is cheap: A dollar twenty-five will get you both dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper, and I can do that myself.

I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can, and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

But when you accept, as a simple fact, that I do feel no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And, when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.

So, please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I’ll listen to you.