I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

Hey! It’s #BellLetsTalk day! So, lets talk about mental health! While I still haven’t been officially diagnosed by my psychiatrist, it’s looking clearer and clearer that Bipolar II will be the end result; so much so that I already started the medication one week ago today after a 5 day long “episode”. And while the diagnosis of being bipolar explains so many things from the past, it poses limitless questions for the future. So, to not get overwhelmed by it all, I am simply trying to live in the now and learn to identify and control my inner turbulence, before projecting it all around me whenever possible. I haven’t been doing so well with that, but I need to give myself a break and take it one day at a time – or at least that’s what I’ve been told 1000 times! Admittedly though, I have found myself putting my guards back up again over the last year. Between weight loss surgery, a pandemic, and now the mental health struggle I simply needed to pull some people back in (that had previou...

So, Christmas was a little bit different this year but, I must admit, I didn’t hate it - at all! In fact, seeing my MIL on Christmas Eve and my mother/stepfather for a bit on Boxing Day made Christmas Day itself kind of enjoyable! Yeah, yeah, I am probably one of the few who prefer it this way, but I never was one to follow the crowd! So, here’s the breakdown of what we did because a couple of people have asked. Day 1 - Daycare closed. My MIL lives alone so she was exceptionally allowed to join our family bubble for a bit. We ordered Chinese food for lunch, giving us leftovers for days, and the LO opened some of her gifts to keep her entertained as well. Otherwise, a pretty quiet day. Day 2 - Christmas day! Presents first thing in the morning, of course. A walk outside, between rain showers, with some friends in the neighborhood and their dogs. And, aside from that we spent the day alone, just the 3 of us. For dinner, because I was so calm and not frazzled, I made the most amazingly p...

So the presents have been opened, breakfast is finished, and now... well, now what? Who knows! I have wanted a quiet Christmas Day as long as I can remember and I am finally getting it. I was hoping for some snow to go and play at the park or something, but instead we get rain. I mean, why wouldn't we? It's 2020!  But, most importantly, we have our families, our friends and our health. That's all that matters. Merry Christmas everyone!

At my heaviest, I wore a size 1X/2X max. I had a couple of stores I relied on, and while my options were limited, I was never lacking. But I kept telling myself that I couldn’t wait for the day I could walk into any Winners/Marshall's type store and try on anything I wanted and have it fit – no name brand to big name labels and everything in between. Flash forward to recent weeks, needing to find yet another winter jacket because I can’t handle the cold anymore, and I was nothing but disappointed. I’ve lost just over 70lbs, I wear a size 10-12 pants now, M-L tops and even my feet lost a whole shoe size! But I go and try on some “good” brands and they won’t fit me until I am looking at a size 3X!? Come on! If a size 10 is “perfect” to the rest of us, what the hell size is ideal for these companies? I mean, no wonder their models look anorexic! I found one jacket I fell in love with, almost enough to pay the bloated sticker price too… but just looking at that 3S tag made me sick. The...

This is the first year that the LO will be buying gifts for Mom and Dad at Christmas, chosen 100% by her. I took her shopping over the weekend, with a budget, and she will go with her Dad sometime between now and Christmas to shop for me. It amazes me how good she is with numbers and basic math, so I started teaching her about money as well… and the value on things too. Its funny how she really wants a 10$ piece of junk until I tell her she needs to spend HER money that she is saving on it! So, with a budget of 30$, she made some interesting choices for a total of $26.44. On the way back to the car she asked me how much she had left, because her math is limited to single digits right now, and I rounded up to $4. She asks me what happens since she didn’t spend the whole $30. I explained to her that nothing happens, she stayed under budget and that was good. She thought for a minute and said “so, since I didn’t spend it, I have 4$ now?”. Um, no! I told her you just spent MY money, so y...