I AM - BECAUSE YOU ARE

Oh my goodness! We don't have the same mom, or even the same dad, but my BFF of 30+ years is the closest thing to a sister I've ever had. Earlier tonight I logged on to Facebook to the sweetest, heartwarming, message from her and I had to share. Dear Friend, This is my promise of sisterhood. You are allowed bad moods, bad days, and bad seasons.  I will not judge you by your vent sesh and I know you won’t judge me by mine. I will tell you when there’s stuff in your teeth and that your beard hair is sprouting again. When hard things swallow you up you can borrow my faith, because someday soon I will need to borrow yours. I will embrace your differences. I might not be wired the same way as you, but loving you means loving all of you. You might drink tea, I drink coffee. You might homeschool, I do public. You might organize your cupboards, I do the stuff and slam. It doesn’t matter how we are different, we don’t need to be the same to be besties. I will never use you or take ad

1965 Dean's Gift Book of Nursery Rhymes, illustrated by Janet & Anne Grahame Johnstone I remember hearing my Nana recite this this nursery rhyme when I was growing up. I don’t think she was specifically implying that it reminded her of me, but now that I am older, I am beginning to wonder. Specifically, the part that says “ When she was good, She was very, very good, But when she was bad, she was horrid ”. I’m not going to lie, it has been a rough month and a half or so. I would say that this is the longest struggle I have ever had with anxiety and depression while medicated! About 10 days ago, I wrote that I thought I had everything under control and that I believed the worst of the storm had passed… but, wow, was I ever wrong! Earlier this week my moods were changing rapidly, with no clear reason as to why, and I want to say worse than I have ever experienced in recent years. On Wednesday, I simply couldn’t take it anymore and I snapped. Long story short, I was at w

Since I was 17 I've always hated my body And it feels like my body's hated me Can somebody find me a pill To make me un-afraid of me? Seen every therapist, but I'm a cynical bitch Don't like to talk about my feelings I take another hit, I find another fake fix 'Cause it's easier than healing I don't wanna be this way forever Keep telling myself that I'll get better Every time I try, I always stop me Maybe I'm just scared to be happy Since I was 22 I've been with somebody who loves me And I've been tryna believe it's true But my head always messes up my heart No matter what I do Seen every therapist, but I'm a cynical bitch Don't like to talk about my feelings I take another sip, I swear it's my last fix 'Cause it's easier than healing 'Cause I don't wanna be this way forever Keep telling myself that I'll get better Every time I try, I always stop me Maybe I'm just scared to

So here's the thing about anxiety, and depression, it doesn't take a look at your schedule and find a place to fit itself in. It shows up when and where it wants to and manifests itself however it chooses to. It doesn't ask you which combination of symptoms you prefer or who you want to lash out at today, it just acts. It manipulates you. It plays on your fears, your doubts and your worries. Everything is what-if and worst case scenario. On the right dose, my medication kept things manageable. Well, not quite. On the right dose, I was numb; I couldn't even cry if I wanted to. But maybe that's what I needed. In fact, it's what I need right now! What worked a year ago seems less effective this year. Day by day, it is ruining my ability to fall asleep at night, which in turn is killing my concentration during the day. I worry about everything and my mind never relaxes. Even my dreams don't stop when I finally do fall asleep at night. I am constantly questio

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright, because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright, because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I can't tell you what it really is I can only tell you what it feels like And right now there's a steel knife, in my windpipe I can't breathe, but I still fight, while I can fight As long as the wrong feels right, it's like I'm in flight High off of love drunk from my hate It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more that I suffer I suffocate and right before I'm about to drown She resuscitates me, she fucking hates me, And I love it, wait Where you going, I'm leaving you No you ain't, come back We're running right back, here we go again It's so insane 'cause when it's going good, it's going great I'm Superman, with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane But when it's bad, it'

Have you ever been walking through the grocery store and found that cake mixes and icing were on sale for 1$ each and next thing you knew you were home baking a cake for no particular occasion? Well, consider yourself lucky, because in more remote areas that same cake mix can cost upwards of 10$ and the icing 15$ or more! With prices like that you would think twice about baking an any day cake, and for those who could not afford it birthdays would not be the same. I mean, who doesn’t want to blow out the candles on their birthday cake and make a wish? And this is where the Northern Birthday Box Project comes in! A friend participated with her children and was talking about it so I took a look and found this description on their Facebook page: This page was created to assist in bringing birthday fun to children aged 1-17, living in remote and Northern Canada. Completed birthday applications must be submitted at least 2 months before the child's birthday in order to qualify for a b

Like clockwork, as the summer days began to fade away, something inexplicable came over me and I felt like I was unraveling again. A feeling that I have felt countless times before, but it wasn’t until last fall that I even knew what it was, medically speaking. In addition to the already known Generalized Anxiety Disorder that took over my life soon after giving birth, I was finally diagnosed with Season Affective Disorder (SAD). I suppose that I should be grateful that I finally have a name for what has plagued me and only gotten worse with age, but it’s so ambiguous; it’s not something that you can see, touch, or even fully explain to another human being really which can be extremely frustrating. SAD has been quite easy to manage on the right dosage of meds, but it’s like walking a tightrope when they are the slightest bit off. I weaned down over summer (instead of completely off like I did last year - big mistake) and was told to be sure that I was back up to my full dose befo

It's funny how strangers can become best friends just as easily as best friends can become strangers to one another. What may have started with a simple hello, might suddenly end with a complicated goodbye. This has happened to me a handful of times and I remember that I was never even mad about it... I was just very hurt, and that's a very specific difference. It hurts when someone who made you feel so special yesterday, can make you feel so unwelcome today. I think the hardest part is not talking to someone you used to talk to every day. I mean, to just ignore each other, try to pretend the other doesn't exist, but deep down knowing that it wasn't supposed to be that way isn't easy. And it doesn't matter if it was a relationship or a friendship; when it ends your heart breaks. In fact, in my experience, close friends have broken my heart in ways partners could never dream of! But, in many cases, even if they broke my heart, I still loved them with each and eve