Three years ago today...
It seems unreal to me now, but 3 years ago today we found out that our
first FET with our new doctor had failed. Yes, this was technically our
3rd failure, 5th embryo, and we were pros at failure by now... but this
one was different. It had taken some convincing to go back into
treatment and start all over again. Even though I knew in my gut that
this doctor would be the right fit, the thought of changing clinics and
starting at square one again was daunting!
But, in hindsight, it was worth more than words can describe!
From our first appointment with him, everything was just different. He got it, he got me! He understood where things went wrong and how to make them right again. He had answers for my million and one questions, and believe me when I say I asked them all! He was so on point with everything that we learned from this failure and went on to have a successful pregnancy the next time around. A pregnancy that turned out perfect, but was at risk early on. A "threatened abortion" the paperwork said; a hematoma centimeters away from the fetus, threatening it's survival. But, we did it! We managed to avoid the worst possible outcome and now we have the most precious gift in the world... our little girl.
So, in fact, 3 years ago was the last failed attempt at pregnancy! But why am I telling you all of this?
These last couple of months, a number of women around me have been experiencing horrible losses; inexplicable and untreatable infertility, failed costly fertility treatments, and a few miscarriages too. Each and every time my heart breaks for these women and what they are going through. I cannot help but try and make sense of the fertility related ones, based on my history, but for the miscarriages... I just don't know what to say, other than the usual statement that "I am sorry for their loss", and this sounds so stupid and not at all comforting to me!
I recently watched the episode of "This is Us" that many chose not to due to the miscarriage subject matter. This show is known for being a tearjerker and watching a couple go through the process of grief together was no different; how numb they felt, how crazy it made them, how their relationships evolved and how cold the world around them seemed (cue the doctor with the comforting words that "the good news is you got pregnant once, and you can get pregnant again"). But as much as it helped to have a fictional window into the lives of so many individuals tragedies, I still don't understand how someone can process a miscarriage and come out the other side of it all the same. I mean, a woman must lose so much more than the baby during the course of a miscarriage! I say this only because I know the loneliness and grief of not being able to conceive, so I can only imagine the emotional turmoil on the other side of a failed pregnancy.
But, again, even after a decade of infertility myself followed by a relatively uneventful pregnancy... I don't know what I could possibly say to bring comfort to those who have experienced this tragedy. And maybe that's exactly what I should say from now on; just be honest and say that I really don't know how they are feeling and that I don't know what the right thing to say is, but that I am here to listen and support them in any way that I possibly can.
But, in hindsight, it was worth more than words can describe!
From our first appointment with him, everything was just different. He got it, he got me! He understood where things went wrong and how to make them right again. He had answers for my million and one questions, and believe me when I say I asked them all! He was so on point with everything that we learned from this failure and went on to have a successful pregnancy the next time around. A pregnancy that turned out perfect, but was at risk early on. A "threatened abortion" the paperwork said; a hematoma centimeters away from the fetus, threatening it's survival. But, we did it! We managed to avoid the worst possible outcome and now we have the most precious gift in the world... our little girl.
So, in fact, 3 years ago was the last failed attempt at pregnancy! But why am I telling you all of this?
These last couple of months, a number of women around me have been experiencing horrible losses; inexplicable and untreatable infertility, failed costly fertility treatments, and a few miscarriages too. Each and every time my heart breaks for these women and what they are going through. I cannot help but try and make sense of the fertility related ones, based on my history, but for the miscarriages... I just don't know what to say, other than the usual statement that "I am sorry for their loss", and this sounds so stupid and not at all comforting to me!
I recently watched the episode of "This is Us" that many chose not to due to the miscarriage subject matter. This show is known for being a tearjerker and watching a couple go through the process of grief together was no different; how numb they felt, how crazy it made them, how their relationships evolved and how cold the world around them seemed (cue the doctor with the comforting words that "the good news is you got pregnant once, and you can get pregnant again"). But as much as it helped to have a fictional window into the lives of so many individuals tragedies, I still don't understand how someone can process a miscarriage and come out the other side of it all the same. I mean, a woman must lose so much more than the baby during the course of a miscarriage! I say this only because I know the loneliness and grief of not being able to conceive, so I can only imagine the emotional turmoil on the other side of a failed pregnancy.
But, again, even after a decade of infertility myself followed by a relatively uneventful pregnancy... I don't know what I could possibly say to bring comfort to those who have experienced this tragedy. And maybe that's exactly what I should say from now on; just be honest and say that I really don't know how they are feeling and that I don't know what the right thing to say is, but that I am here to listen and support them in any way that I possibly can.
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